Teaching Elijah to Tie His Shoes

Elijah is 15 years old and up until yesterday did not know how to tie his shoes. How could this happen you wonder? When Jacob started kindergarten, we were told part of the curriculum was that he would need to learn to tie his shoes. We practiced at home and he practiced at school. He learned to tie his shoes and that was that.

When Elijah was born, there were other things to worry about and the least of my worries was him learning to tie his shoes. He spent four weeks in the NICU and then four weeks in the special care nursery. He came home on oxygen and stayed on oxygen for the next seven months. I spent the winter keeping him healthy and alive. From that point on the focus was on his lungs and his deafness. I was constantly taking care of him, Jacob, my husband, trying to work and trying to find answers on how to help Elijah.

Elijah started school at three in a deaf education preschool classroom in a district that was not in the city we lived in. He started in a signing classroom and then moved to an oral classroom. He had been implanted at 18 months and then in the middle of his second year of pre-k he got his second implant. My focus was still on his lungs as he could get sick quite quickly and on him learning to listen and speak.

Elijah started kindergarten in another district to receive services from a deaf education teacher in a deaf education classroom. Learning to tie his shoes was not on the curriculum and I didn't have time to teach him. This may sound like I was lazy, but that is far from the case. I had been taking him to auditory verbal therapy from the time he was 18 months old through 1st grade once week. His dad took him for another visit each week.  We needed time for therapy at home, homework, my prep for teaching and to hopefully have some fun in there somewhere. When Elijah was in 1st grade he started with occupational therapy for some fine motor issues. Learning to tie his shoes was not a priority. When we couldn't find Velcro shoes I bought LockLaces to uses in his shoes. He also gets frustrated really easily so it was just easier to use the LockLaces.

What has changed and why does Elijah need to learn to tie his shoes? Elijah wants to be in the ROTC this coming school year when he enters high school. Once he is fitted for his uniform he will be required to wear it once a week, and this means dress shoes. Thankfully, all of this is provided by the school at no cost, but he will need to know how to ties his shoes. I will leave in the morning before he is quite dressed and ready and my honey doesn't want to be tying the shoes of a 15 year old boy each morning who isn't always the most cooperative on a good day.

Elijah and I spent about 30 minutes yesterday working on him learning to tie his shoes, and me having to really refine the steps as I tie my shoes without even thinking. He stuck with it and by the end of the 30 minutes could tie a shoe with some prompts from me. We practiced again before he went to bed, again this morning and once again this afternoon. He can now tie a shoe but it still requires a great deal of concentration on his part. We will practice every day for the next three weeks and even after school starts. I am proud of him. It didn't take as long as I thought for him to be able to complete the steps and tie a shoe. Now he just needs to get it more automatic and refine his methods.

Oh and he is a lefty, so I had to tie a shoe using my left hand as my dominate hand....well that gave me some perspective, because I really had to THINK about how to tie the shoe when I was using my left hand.

NBC Dateline Episode 4/12/15

Tonight's episode of Dateline covered young me with autism who were "aging out" of school when they turned 21. The episode highlighted two families' struggles with finding services for the sons after they turned 21. All parents of special needs students should be watch this episode of Dateline. This affects young people with intellectual disabilities, physical disabilities, and other developmental disabilities.

We had a transition meeting at Elijah's last ARD meeting (IEP meeting) back in February. Elijah attended the ARD and I asked that a representative from the Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services (DARS) to attend his ARD. The DARS representative works only with students who are deaf and hard of hearing. I signed consent for her to meet with Elijah at the high school next year and in the years to follow. I am hoping that we can come up with a plan for him for after graduation. Elijah can stay in school until the age of 21 since he is under special education. I don't know if he will need to stay in school until he is 21 or graduate when he completes four years of high school and passes his classes. He will be 19 at that time. He repeated second grade back in elementary school.

Like the moms in the Dateline episode I have educated myself on Elijah's rights and am his strongest advocate. I also have my experience as a teacher in special education to assist me. I am not sure how parents who don't have this background navigate the system. I don't usually write about work, but I do worry about my own students. All I can do is try to educate the parents as best I can.

The Middle and Quirky Kids

The Middle is one of my favorite TV shows to watch, but I haven't had a chance to catch up on some of the episodes. Today I watched an episode about the youngest son Brick who wants to be like everyone else and have friends. Brick has always been a little different than everyone else. He is very solitary, has vocal tics and repeats the last word he says in a whisper sometimes. He is even in a class to teach social skills. I am not sure what grade he is in, but in this episode he wants to go to a school dance. The parents are hesitant because they know he doesn't really fit in. Brick asks for advice on how to make friends. The parents suggest looking people in the eye, actually talking to people and to maybe put down the books more. As they are talking, he stands up and walks away with as he states an idea he has. Of course, there he is not behaving in a social way.

Brick actually makes it into the dance, and the parents sit outside in the car worrying about how it will go. They aren't even sure if they should leave. The dad even says he is a quirky kid. The parents arrive home only to receive a text to come and pick him up. The parents arrive and Brick texts he is fine, but then he soon comes out and doesn't want to talk about the experience. Brick has also lost a shoe in the process. The show ends with a girl coming over to bring Brick back his shoe. She looks like she has some social issues too, but she invites him to go get ice cream. Brick thanks her, declines and then slams the door. Of course, mom intervenes and tells him that she just asked him out. Brick grabs his jacket and runs to the door to get her. The show ends with the parents sitting outside the ice cream parlor receiving texts from Brick and wondering how he is doing.

As a parent of a quirky kid, I so appreciated this episode. Elijah is the quirky kid. He doesn't always say "HI" back when another student or adult says "HI" to him. He doesn't always fit in and I am not sure if he really has any friends at school. He doesn't care what other people think of him, at least other kids anyway. He is just out there doing his own thing. As a parent I just want to fix this for him, but I can't. All I can do is try to find ways for him to be around other kids and see what happens. We went to the library yesterday and he hung out in the Teen Room while I worked on grad school stuff. He played some Wii games with some other teens. I am going to start taking him every week so he has a chance to work on his social skills. It just isn't easy knowing he is the quirky kid and knowing all I can do is provide him with opportunities and practice with him as much as I can so he knows what to do when around others.

Parenthood--The Offer 3/20/14

Parenthood once again tugged at my heart strings last night. In this episode, Max, who has Aspergers goes on an overnight field trip with his class. His mother, Kristina, was going to chaperon, but he told her that he didn't want her to. The parents talk about it and decide to let him go. They later get a phone call that they need to come and pick up Max. They drive the 2-3 hours to pick him up and he won't tell them what happened. The teacher who waited with Max, also didn't know what happened.

While they are driving home, Max finally opens up by asking his parents why the other kids hate him. He finally tells them that one of the boys peed in his canteen and called him a freak. You can see the parents reactions during this scene and it is heart wrenching. Both parents are visibly upset, and the father is ready to take on this boy who harassed Max. Max tells his parents that he tries to understand his friends and you can hear how much he wants to belong, but just can't. He knows he is different and that he will never understand why they do what they do. He tells his parents that he is a freak. The mother takes off her seat belt and climbs into the back seat to hug him. Of course, Max tells her this is unsafe and that he doesn't want to be hugged, but she keeps hugging him. The father is on the verge of tears. This is how this storyline in this episode ended, and there were no previews about this storyline for next week.

All I can say is bravo for taking on the topic of bullying, Aspergers, and special needs in general. As a parent of a special needs child, I worry that my son will be bullied. He is in 7th grade right now, and so far things are going well. I worry more about him entering high school in another year. Parenthood is one of the few shows to take a realistic look at the life of a family with a child with special needs and so far they are doing a great job.

TV Show--Parenthood

I just finished watching the Parenthood episode that aired last night (1/9/2014) on NBC. I have been watching those show since it first aired. One of the characters, Max, has Asperger's Syndrome. It has been interesting to see how the writers have handled his character. I believe they have done a very good job portraying him and his family. The parents who first must deal with the diagnosis, working with teachers and administrators and figuring out how to deal with Max and his Asperger's.

Last nights episode was difficult to watch. Max doesn't have any friends in high school and doesn't really fit in with the anyone at school. I sometimes wonder how Elijah REALLY does at school with friends and such. He has been in classes to work on his social skills. He says he sits with his friends at lunch. However, I really wonder HOW does he do in school in the social arena. Elijah is hearing impaired and has Tourette Syndrome, and even with ONLY one of these disabilities he would have social issues, but Elijah has them BOTH.

Elijah wants to be in ROTC when he goes to high school in the Fall of 2015. I know that is 18 months away, but it will be here sooner than I know. I have no doubt that he can join ROTC, but can he really handle the discipline of being in the ROTC. Jacob was in the ROTC for three years in high school. ROTC could be great for Elijah or it could be disastrous, but I will have to let him try.

I am glad that there are shows on TV like Parenthood, so that others can get a glimpse into a family with a child with special needs.

First Week of School for ALL of Us!

Jacob, Elijah and I all started school this past Monday. Now, I am a teacher, so many of you may think that I just went back to teaching. I also started GRAD school this past Monday online through Texas Tech! I didn't even get to look at my assignments until Monday night, and by then I thought I was crazy for even trying.

Let's backtrack a little, though. Jacob had a great start to school. He is now OFFICIALLY a SENIOR! How did that happen?? He likes all of his classes and really likes his computer maintenance class. He gets out of school at 2:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays! He is still working at Albertsons, but only two days a week!

Elijah started seventh grade at the junior high school. He also had a great first week of school. He is using his status sheet again, and had NO REDS! He can earn a green, yellow or red for each class. If he gets all greens he can have the iPad that night. We also count the number of greens he gets each week and he can earn a trip to SWEET FROG for frozen yogurt or something else we decide on!

Now, let's get back to me! I rarely get to talk about ME! I am taking two online classes through Texas Tech to earn my Masters in Special Education and Diagnostician's Certificate! I am finding both classes very interesting. As of today, I have all of my lessons for this week turned in and have started my lessons for next week! My plan is to stay ahead, so that way I don't have to rush! I have observation hours I need to complete, but can use all of my hours from teaching last year towards that, so that is a load off of my mind.

I am so caught up this morning, that I even worked on a Power Point lesson for one of the new deaf ed. teachers in my district. I'll be home this morning, and then Elijah and I are going to the library this afternoon. I figure I can work there on my laptop and he can play in the Teen Center. It works out good for both of us!

I'll try to keep y'all posted on how we are doing, but if you don't hear much from me then I AM BUSY!